Vaggumnig is a god.

It takes the form of a six hundred metre long, merciful faun.

Vaggumnig created snails three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Vaggumnig, it will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Vaggumnig, it will manifest in front of you.

Vaggumnig's most sacred site is Estedt in Germany.

Vaggumnig's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about monkeys.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Vaggumnig.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.