Karcumfem is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, staggering alligator.

Karcumfem created Africa nine million years ago.

If you believe in Karcumfem, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Karcumfem, he will strike you with lightening.

Karcumfem's most sacred site is Gomba in Hungary.

Karcumfem's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about moons.

2. Never wear red jumpers.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Do not hurt ducks.

5. Never eat wheat.