Fatcenarn is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, unfair clam.

Fatcenarn created the Sol system six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fatcenarn, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Fatcenarn, he will send two she bears to sort you out.

Fatcenarn's most sacred site is Esse in Finland.

Fatcenarn's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about comets.

2. Fatcenarn loves grasshopers, so they must be honoured.

3. Fatcenarn must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Do not make images of living things.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.