Tontagrak is a god.

She takes the form of a microscopic, deceitful monkey.

Tontagrak created vertebrates eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Tontagrak, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Tontagrak, she will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Tontagrak's most sacred site is Evol in France.

Tontagrak's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about fire.

2. Never write about horizontal gene transfer.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Always look after injured horses.

5. Always wear mauve.