Laplipquatjin Baffonpig is a god.

She takes the form of a slender, dishonourable troll.

Laplipquatjin Baffonpig created the Sunflower Galaxy five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Laplipquatjin Baffonpig, she will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Laplipquatjin Baffonpig, she will turn you into a sheep.

Laplipquatjin Baffonpig's most sacred site is Úbeda in Spain.

Laplipquatjin Baffonpig's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about fire.

2. Never hurt swans.

3. Never talk about moons.

4. Erect a large platinum sculpture of Laplipquatjin Baffonpig on top of all buildings.

5. Never laugh near aardvarks.