Barnstiktit is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, astonishing eagle.

Barnstiktit created a top quark six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Barnstiktit, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Barnstiktit, he will turn you into a puffin.

Barnstiktit's most sacred site is Kirumampakkam in India.

Barnstiktit's Holy Commandments

1. Always obey Barnstiktit's priests.

2. Fast once a month.

3. Never wear skirts.

4. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

5. Never eat bark.