Dognellcar is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, intelligent cow.

Dognellcar created bats eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Dognellcar, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Dognellcar, he will turn you into a hamster.

Dognellcar's most sacred site is Krina in Germany.

Dognellcar's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick gulls.

2. Retreat if five voles approach from the south.

3. Walk at least six thousand metres per day.

4. Always make sure there are no horses in a room before entering it.

5. Do not commit murder.