Fadwanteen is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, prudent troll.

Fadwanteen created parasitic wasps eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Fadwanteen, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Fadwanteen, she will boil you in a big pot.

Fadwanteen's most sacred site is Questenberg in Germany.

Fadwanteen's Holy Commandments

1. Turtles are unholy and should not be approached.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Never think ill of sick nematodes.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Fadwanteen.