Jonbarnmip is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely thin, compassionate cow.

Jonbarnmip created the Milkyway four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jonbarnmip, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Jonbarnmip, it will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Jonbarnmip's most sacred site is Sarti in Greece.

Jonbarnmip's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Do not shave your head.

4. Never talk about galaxies.

5. Never eat bark.