Arfhubcum is a god.

He takes the form of a large, unthoughtful pig.

Arfhubcum created an up quark eight million years ago.

If you believe in Arfhubcum, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Arfhubcum, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Arfhubcum's most sacred site is Snipp in Sweden.

Arfhubcum's Holy Commandments

1. Fast once a month.

2. Run away if four sharks approach from the west.

3. Never jump in holy places.

4. Do not take Arfhubcum's name in vain.

5. Hide if three ants approach from the east.