Lagdanfab is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, staggering skunk.

Lagdanfab created dark energy nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Lagdanfab, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Lagdanfab, she will turn you into a hamster.

Lagdanfab's most sacred site is Farnetta in Italy.

Lagdanfab's Holy Commandments

1. Hide if seven whales approach from the south.

2. Never feed lemons to rats while wearing turquoise shorts.

3. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

4. Never think ill of sick goats.

5. Hide from orange squirrels for they are unholy.