Bassxuctip is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely small, amazing tapir.

Bassxuctip created Africa five billion years ago.

If you believe in Bassxuctip, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Bassxuctip, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Bassxuctip's most sacred site is Embalam in India.

Bassxuctip's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if nine frogs approach from the north.

2. Always help eagles.

3. Hide from indigo great tits for they are unholy.

4. Erect six platinum sculptures of Bassxuctip on top of important buildings.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.