Ortpaksaf is a god.

She takes the form of a blubbery, contented narwhal.

Ortpaksaf created gold nine million years ago.

If you believe in Ortpaksaf, she will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Ortpaksaf, she will turn you into an amoeba.

Ortpaksaf's most sacred site is Borolong in Botswana.

Ortpaksaf's Holy Commandments

1. Look mercifully on unfortunate ants.

2. Respect your elders.

3. Always make sure there are no goats in a room before entering it.

4. Never go into white rooms.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.