Bapfunyam is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, generous dog.

Bapfunyam created tapeworms three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bapfunyam, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Bapfunyam, he will destroy your favourite planet.

Bapfunyam's most sacred site is Quenstedt in Germany.

Bapfunyam's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink water in mauve rooms.

2. Mites are unholy and should not be approached.

3. You must love Bapfunyam.

4. Always treat gulls with great respect.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.