Yogcutlik is a god.

He takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, humorless unicorn.

Yogcutlik created Mount Everest five million years ago.

If you believe in Yogcutlik, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Yogcutlik, he will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Yogcutlik's most sacred site is Demsin in Germany.

Yogcutlik's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Always pray immersed in water.

3. Do not covet oxen.

4. Always wear mauve.

5. Do not shave your legs.