Bagzanvinvon is a god.

She takes the form of a two thousand metre long, selfish giraffe.

Bagzanvinvon created water nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bagzanvinvon, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Bagzanvinvon, she will denounce you as a heretic.

Bagzanvinvon's most sacred site is Qangwa in Botswana.

Bagzanvinvon's Holy Commandments

1. Do not take Bagzanvinvon's name in vain.

2. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Look mercifully on unfortunate voles.