Stafzembid is a god.

She takes the form of a minute, all-knowing faun.

Stafzembid created the planet Venus five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Stafzembid, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Stafzembid, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Stafzembid's most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Stafzembid's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if five rats approach from the east.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate capybaras.

3. Always make sure there are no tapirs in a room before entering it.

4. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

5. Fast once a month.