Figtofkim is a god.

It takes the form of a plump, unselfish unicorn.

Figtofkim created a photon five million years ago.

If you believe in Figtofkim, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Figtofkim, it will send two she bears to sort you out.

Figtofkim's most sacred site is Rutalahti in Finland.

Figtofkim's Holy Commandments

1. Do not bounce in public.

2. Always stare at clouds.

3. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Figtofkim.

4. Never mention otters.

5. Never wear pink hats.