Hamcargut is a god.

She takes the form of a four hundred metre long, humane toad.

Hamcargut created the world four billion years ago.

If you believe in Hamcargut, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Hamcargut, she will not invite you to parties.

Hamcargut's most sacred site is Úbeda in Spain.

Hamcargut's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat corn.

2. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

3. Never write about cell theory.

4. Never mention dogs.

5. Never hurt voles.