Tikmetvab is a god.

She takes the form of a three hundred metre long, humorless beaver.

Tikmetvab created matter six million years ago.

If you believe in Tikmetvab, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Tikmetvab, she will turn you into a mouse.

Tikmetvab's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Tikmetvab's Holy Commandments

1. Never sing near mice.

2. Never look in ponds.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Never write about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

5. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Tikmetvab.