Tettihanfen is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, unthinking wasp.

Tettihanfen created viruses seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Tettihanfen, he will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Tettihanfen, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Tettihanfen's most sacred site is Demsin in Germany.

Tettihanfen's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of titanium.

2. Never feed cucumbers to dogs while wearing blue jumpers.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate horses.

4. Do not hurt snakes.

5. Always pray immersed in water.