Metcudcan is a god.

He takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, overgenerous gerbil.

Metcudcan created the planet Mars four years ago.

If you believe in Metcudcan, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Metcudcan, he will laugh at you.

Metcudcan's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Metcudcan's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate rats.

2. Do not speak about figs.

3. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

4. Never talk about the strong nuclear force.

5. Fast once a month.