Ranartyar is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, competent swallow.

Ranartyar created humanity five million years ago.

If you believe in Ranartyar, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Ranartyar, he will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Ranartyar's most sacred site is Sarti in Greece.

Ranartyar's Holy Commandments

1. Always stare at clouds.

2. Do not make images of living things.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Do not cook food in pots.