Futpinpop is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, dishonest shark.

Futpinpop created a down quark six million years ago.

If you believe in Futpinpop, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Futpinpop, he will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Futpinpop's most sacred site is Zlatolist in Bulgaria.

Futpinpop's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear cyan clothing.

2. Never laugh in the presence of gulls.

3. Erect a large tin sculpture of Futpinpop on top of all buildings.

4. Always treat whales with great respect.

5. Pray towards the south.