Fonquamfat is a god.

He takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, ill-tempered unicorn.

Fonquamfat created Africa six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Fonquamfat, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Fonquamfat, he will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Fonquamfat's most sacred site is Mmankgodi in Botswana.

Fonquamfat's Holy Commandments

1. Do not make images of living things.

2. Fonquamfat must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Fonquamfat.

5. Never talk about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.