Lakflowhiv is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, thoughtless pig.

Lakflowhiv created a photon six billion years ago.

If you believe in Lakflowhiv, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Lakflowhiv, he will turn you into a frog.

Lakflowhiv's most sacred site is Zlatolist in Bulgaria.

Lakflowhiv's Holy Commandments

1. Do not stand on grass.

2. Do not covet oxen.

3. Never write about horizontal gene transfer.

4. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

5. Never look in ponds.