Pakkinfon is a god.

She takes the form of a minute, charitable octopus.

Pakkinfon created the planet Earth two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Pakkinfon, she will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Pakkinfon, she will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Pakkinfon's most sacred site is Rautio in Finland.

Pakkinfon's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick nematodes.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Never pour water over plants.

4. Do not kill gulls.

5. Always pray immersed in water.