Appquartcid Haszenshav is a god.

She takes the form of a microscopic, proud shark.

Appquartcid Haszenshav created matter five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Appquartcid Haszenshav, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Appquartcid Haszenshav, she will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Appquartcid Haszenshav's most sacred site is Gadna in Hungary.

Appquartcid Haszenshav's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Otters are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Do not sit in public.

4. Run away from yellow squirrels, for they are unholy.

5. Put Appquartcid Haszenshav first in all things.