Gepfondap is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly large, selfish walrus.

Gepfondap created humanity four million years ago.

If you believe in Gepfondap, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Gepfondap, it will denounce you as a heretic.

Gepfondap's most sacred site is Zlatolist in Bulgaria.

Gepfondap's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Hide if eight manatees approach from the south.

3. Run away from cyan horses, for they are unholy.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Do not chop down trees.