Hakquartfub is a god.

He takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, sapient toad.

Hakquartfub created a bottom quark three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hakquartfub, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Hakquartfub, he will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Hakquartfub's most sacred site is Gorslas in Wales.

Hakquartfub's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick sheep.

2. Do not take Hakquartfub's name in vain.

3. Never eat green fruit.

4. Always stare at clouds.

5. Never think about horizontal gene transfer.