Gatcapbarn is a god.

It takes the form of a very thin, unjust raccoon.

Gatcapbarn created an electron six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gatcapbarn, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Gatcapbarn, it will turn you into a blue tit.

Gatcapbarn's most sacred site is Penhale in England.

Gatcapbarn's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Respect your elders.

4. You must never eat pineapples.

5. Never eat green fruit.