Zumtonzig is a god.

It takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, tranquil bear.

Zumtonzig created time and space two billion years ago.

If you believe in Zumtonzig, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Zumtonzig, it will denounce you as a heretic.

Zumtonzig's most sacred site is Snipp in Sweden.

Zumtonzig's Holy Commandments

1. Sharks are not to be trusted.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.