Tenwatpid is a god.

She takes the form of a six hundred metre long, dishonourable dryad.

Tenwatpid created matter four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tenwatpid, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Tenwatpid, she will jump up and down on your head.

Tenwatpid's most sacred site is Meidrim in Wales.

Tenwatpid's Holy Commandments

1. Do not take Tenwatpid's name in vain.

2. Never eat bark.

3. Run away if six shrews approach from the north.

4. Never feed lemons to sheep while wearing cyan jumpers.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.