Betsterdim is a god.

It takes the form of an enormous, quiet chicken.

Betsterdim created snails seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Betsterdim, it will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Betsterdim, it will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Betsterdim's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Betsterdim's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear iron on your body.

2. Never feed garlic to ants while wearing turquoise corsets.

3. Do not speak about grapes.

4. Always help dolphins in need.

5. Hide from purple turtles for they are unholy.