Hapmumpan Lopzodqueeg is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, tiresome squid.

Hapmumpan Lopzodqueeg created dark energy eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Hapmumpan Lopzodqueeg, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Hapmumpan Lopzodqueeg, he will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Hapmumpan Lopzodqueeg's most sacred site is Yerakini in Greece.

Hapmumpan Lopzodqueeg's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. Porpoises are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate moths.

5. Retreat if four swans approach from the west.