Dosstablarg Nelgedved is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely fat, grumpy guinea pig.

Dosstablarg Nelgedved created a quark five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Dosstablarg Nelgedved, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Dosstablarg Nelgedved, it will turn you into a hamster.

Dosstablarg Nelgedved's most sacred site is Vinezac in France.

Dosstablarg Nelgedved's Holy Commandments

1. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

2. Goats are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

4. Do not hurt tortoises.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.