Flat is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, temperamental jaguar.

Flat created the Whirlpool Galaxy two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Flat, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Flat, he will have an extremely low opinion of you.

Flat's most sacred site is Dingcun in China.

Flat's Holy Commandments

1. Do not hurt whales.

2. You must love Flat.

3. Worship no other gods but Flat.

4. Pray towards the east.

5. Always wear brown.