Hamfonyik Padstraglik is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, emotional zebra.

Hamfonyik Padstraglik created the universe nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hamfonyik Padstraglik, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Hamfonyik Padstraglik, he will not invite you to parties.

Hamfonyik Padstraglik's most sacred site is Cuandixia in China.

Hamfonyik Padstraglik's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Never think about black holes.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Never write about the strong nuclear force.

5. Put Hamfonyik Padstraglik first in all things.