Xemsog Tikwodnill is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, charitable hedgehog.

Xemsog Tikwodnill created gold four billion years ago.

If you believe in Xemsog Tikwodnill, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Xemsog Tikwodnill, it will turn you into a rock.

Xemsog Tikwodnill's most sacred site is Makopong in Botswana.

Xemsog Tikwodnill's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Never look in ponds.

3. Always pray immersed in water.

4. Never think about asteroids.

5. Never mention whales.