Bastjoptam is a god.

It takes the form of a slender, selfish faun.

Bastjoptam created the planet Jupiter four years ago.

If you believe in Bastjoptam, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Bastjoptam, it will send you a strongly worded letter.

Bastjoptam's most sacred site is Esse in Finland.

Bastjoptam's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat coconuts.

2. Do not kill snakes.

3. Never write about gravity.

4. Never paint your legs cyan.

5. Hide if four sharks approach from the west.