Hatpomdag is a god.

She takes the form of a gargantuan, two-faced eagle.

Hatpomdag created the solar system five million years ago.

If you believe in Hatpomdag, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Hatpomdag, she will turn you into a sparrow.

Hatpomdag's most sacred site is Dumadumana in Botswana.

Hatpomdag's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no great tits in a room before entering it.

2. Hatpomdag must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Do not wear titanium on your body.

4. Always make sure there are no swans in a building before entering it.

5. Worship no other gods but Hatpomdag.