Yartnelquill is a god.

It takes the form of an enormous, passionate beaver.

Yartnelquill created the planet Saturn nine million years ago.

If you believe in Yartnelquill, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Yartnelquill, it will send two she bears to sort you out.

Yartnelquill's most sacred site is Mogonono in Botswana.

Yartnelquill's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Do not wear lead on your body.

3. Do not take Yartnelquill's name in vain.

4. Do not drink alcohol.

5. Never eat green fruit.