Tarkimbedquart is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, stupid octopus.

Tarkimbedquart created an up quark two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tarkimbedquart, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Tarkimbedquart, he will strike you with lightening.

Tarkimbedquart's most sacred site is Qantir in Egypt.

Tarkimbedquart's Holy Commandments

1. Tarkimbedquart loves sharks, so they must be respected.

2. Never talk about evolution by means of natural selection.

3. Never talk about gravity.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Do not covet oxen.