Hatgumyak is a god.

It takes the form of a massive, loving human.

Hatgumyak created Africa three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hatgumyak, it will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Hatgumyak, it will turn you into a puffin.

Hatgumyak's most sacred site is Mmankgodi in Botswana.

Hatgumyak's Holy Commandments

1. Do not kill sheep.

2. Do not stand on grass.

3. Walk at least six thousand metres per day.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Hide from indigo snakes for they are unholy.