Zossfumhun is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, humane dolphin.

Zossfumhun created the planet Mars eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Zossfumhun, she will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Zossfumhun, she will attempt to scare you with hail.

Zossfumhun's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Zossfumhun's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Zossfumhun loves seals, so they must be honoured.

3. You must never eat aubergines.

4. Walk at least four thousand metres per day.

5. Erect seven zinc sculptures of Zossfumhun on top of important buildings.