Bopteen Hassitsug is a god.

It takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, humorless monkey.

Bopteen Hassitsug created light three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bopteen Hassitsug, it will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Bopteen Hassitsug, it will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Bopteen Hassitsug's most sacred site is Questenberg in Germany.

Bopteen Hassitsug's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink alcohol.

2. Bopteen Hassitsug must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Do not fashion models of living things.

4. Feed all hungry squirrels.

5. Run away from indigo tortoises, for they are unholy.