Bemlanrillratgep is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, wise dryad.

Bemlanrillratgep created the Black Eye Galaxy two million years ago.

If you believe in Bemlanrillratgep, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Bemlanrillratgep, she will turn you into a hamster.

Bemlanrillratgep's most sacred site is Úbeda in Spain.

Bemlanrillratgep's Holy Commandments

1. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

2. Do not speak about cucumbers.

3. Always help tortoises in need.

4. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

5. Always make sure there are no squirrels in a building before entering it.