Negjipyart is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, almighty penguin.

Negjipyart created the planet Saturn four million years ago.

If you believe in Negjipyart, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Negjipyart, she will turn you into a worm.

Negjipyart's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Negjipyart's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Never talk about whales.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Never think ill of sick frogs.

5. You must pray to Negjipyart six times a day.