Fattinten is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely heavy, emotional guinea pig.

Fattinten created dark energy four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fattinten, it will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Fattinten, it will attempt to scare you with hail.

Fattinten's most sacred site is Rutalahti in Finland.

Fattinten's Holy Commandments

1. Always look after injured snakes.

2. Do not bounce in public.

3. Never look at comets.

4. Run away from black turtles, for they are unholy.

5. Do not make images of living things.