Panquagzig is a god.

It takes the form of a three hundred metre long, dishonourable hippopotamus.

Panquagzig created snails eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Panquagzig, it will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Panquagzig, it will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Panquagzig's most sacred site is Kgope in Botswana.

Panquagzig's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if seven moths approach from the south.

2. Do not wear nickel on your body.

3. You must pray to Panquagzig eight times a day.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Pray towards the east.